droplet 3
wow, has it been awhile. Tomorrow is the last diploma i will ever have to write, hopefully. yes the english one, the one i dread most and it is the multiple choice reading one. I HOPE I DO WELL ... i mean it has always been my weakest point, but if i don't pass this course, i can't get into university so i really need to pass this exam tomorrow. we even planned for a whole day of fun after our exam in the morning so i hope i get lots of sleep tonight and hope for a good day tomorrow.
i feel like my summer is going to a total waste, i mean yea there was a bbq a few days ago i gotta admit it was nice to get out. but yet again i'm in my "so out of it stage" i feel like i'm sucha outsider to my friends because they're all in this club and i'm not. i only have myself to blame, i mean why did i quit in the first place? sigh* i have no idea what i want to do with my summer...i just hope i find something soon, so my parents won't nag me about going to work. i wish a job would just find me... and a good one too instead of me having to go find it >< lol . sounds like it's too good to be true =c
today, we ran out of rice yet again, we finished the last of it. and my mom yells at me for not having told my dad earlyier so he can go buy more rice. okay so i forgot, my bad i'm sorry... and well she didn't let it end at that. i come down for dinner and she yells at me, "why din't you tell me when u were making it? i could've added the other kind of rice!" (honestly i dont' like the other kind of rice but yea...that's not the point here) well so when she was all like "i hope there's enough."
i said "who cares." and she heard me and well i wasn't giving her that much attitude..
then she says "NOT WHO CARES! and what do u do at home all day? nothing. you just sit around blah blah"
i sat there and just tried to ignore it all and keep my calm. i mean what else could i do? if i talked back she'll just give me another talk about how back when she was 14 she never ever talked back to her mom ever, even if she was right. I wanted to scream I'M NOT YOU ! but i kept it inside... i have no right to be mad to be angry... i am of chinese culture and respecting parents is the most important thing in our culture.
i'm just, i really can't stand it though. i feel so hypocritical or "mao tun" i dont' know what to do. i know that i can't hate her because she's my mom and took care of me for so many years. she's given me so much... yet i say i hate her all the time. but deep down i love her. i don't know what to do =c . the world is just too confusing of a place for me.
so i just sit there quietly...i wish i could just go through my life being someone who doesn't talk... now for being someone who talks a lot, that's saying a lot. in front of my parents, i just lose myself altogether.
i really hope i can pull myself together soon. and find that purpose in life... i'm so lost >< style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255); font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">sorry" and i totally understand. i know i'm wrong and i can be a better daughter but when you want to mend things , at least do the right thing. you're my mom doesn't mean you don't need to say "sorry".
It's amazing what one little word like "sorry" can do.
it's like a big knot in my heart, i feel like majority of the time, my mom doesn't know what i feel and think deep down inside. i feel like i'm constantly wearing a mask...maybe because i don't know how to express myself in words yet...
WELL ...with all that said...back to studying ><
Monday, June 25, 2007
Thursday, June 7, 2007
dreading study time
droplet number 2
hah! already i am slacking off in this blog and not writing. but man oh man yesterday i totally slacked off gaming instead of studying. i guess today i'll have to study hard but it's so hard with a little someone distracting me.
other then that, the other day, i got locked out of my house again when i came home early from school except this time i had my key, but the lock broke. What a bummer! well then i went to my friend's house after an hour of rain and sun. fun fun fun ><
today will be a day dedicated to some hard core studying and so will tomorrow and other days. finally just got some university stuff out of the way, it is so confusing, yet i'm somewhat excited and worried at the same time. SUCH A BIG SCHOOL and wow so many people ! eeks paranoia. lol
last but not least, INSECTS ARE EVERYWHERE .. talk about grossness. well i'm more freaked out by them than they are by me lol. let's end here today =P more thoughtful stuff tomorrow
hah! already i am slacking off in this blog and not writing. but man oh man yesterday i totally slacked off gaming instead of studying. i guess today i'll have to study hard but it's so hard with a little someone distracting me.
other then that, the other day, i got locked out of my house again when i came home early from school except this time i had my key, but the lock broke. What a bummer! well then i went to my friend's house after an hour of rain and sun. fun fun fun ><
today will be a day dedicated to some hard core studying and so will tomorrow and other days. finally just got some university stuff out of the way, it is so confusing, yet i'm somewhat excited and worried at the same time. SUCH A BIG SCHOOL and wow so many people ! eeks paranoia. lol
last but not least, INSECTS ARE EVERYWHERE .. talk about grossness. well i'm more freaked out by them than they are by me lol. let's end here today =P more thoughtful stuff tomorrow
Monday, June 4, 2007
graduation 2007 weekend
boy oh boy what a fun-filled weekend =) May 30th 2007 was our commencement class of 2007 has finally crossed the stage. our theme was something about masks, i've got to agree with mr. keating who came to make a speech about masks; everyone is wearing a mask everyday and we choose whether we want to show what's behind the mask or not. i believe that is very true. enough said about that..
JUNE 1st 2007 ! GRADUATION BANQUET CELEBRATION AT SHAW. the overall dinner part was quite boring i got to admit. but it passed by pretty quickly, the funnest part was still taking pictures with all our friends, though i do wish that i got more pictures with the other school.
grad afterparty at my place: well the turnout wasn't that great but it was just suppose to be a small gathering anyway and it was getting late. had some cooler, half of the people watched pan's labrynth and the other half played games. surprisingly, they still till 2am ><>ndarin farewell and boy what a show. he took place in a cross-dressing fashion show which was quite amazing and amusing i've got to say. two other great performances was the backstreet boy performance and the chinese hiphop. not bad not bad
after the entertaining shows, there was a full day of game and homework at venny's. boy was it funn!! DS ALL THE WAY !
then it was time to catch up on some sleep and finally today: june 4th 2007 everyone was back at school and you could tell that every single person was very tired and out of it. even the teachers were working extra hard to keep the students focussed and on task.
now that the graduation parties are out of the way, the last two weeks coming up are dedicated to CRAMMING FOR EXAMING !!! so good luck to everyone out there that have exams and for those who are already done, hopefully you have started to enjoy your holidays.
one more thing to add to the to do list is to find a summer job ! sigh* the dreadful part is the finding part as usual... GOOD LUCK TO ALL !
JUNE 1st 2007 ! GRADUATION BANQUET CELEBRATION AT SHAW. the overall dinner part was quite boring i got to admit. but it passed by pretty quickly, the funnest part was still taking pictures with all our friends, though i do wish that i got more pictures with the other school.
grad afterparty at my place: well the turnout wasn't that great but it was just suppose to be a small gathering anyway and it was getting late. had some cooler, half of the people watched pan's labrynth and the other half played games. surprisingly, they still till 2am ><>ndarin farewell and boy what a show. he took place in a cross-dressing fashion show which was quite amazing and amusing i've got to say. two other great performances was the backstreet boy performance and the chinese hiphop. not bad not bad
after the entertaining shows, there was a full day of game and homework at venny's. boy was it funn!! DS ALL THE WAY !
then it was time to catch up on some sleep and finally today: june 4th 2007 everyone was back at school and you could tell that every single person was very tired and out of it. even the teachers were working extra hard to keep the students focussed and on task.
now that the graduation parties are out of the way, the last two weeks coming up are dedicated to CRAMMING FOR EXAMING !!! so good luck to everyone out there that have exams and for those who are already done, hopefully you have started to enjoy your holidays.
one more thing to add to the to do list is to find a summer job ! sigh* the dreadful part is the finding part as usual... GOOD LUCK TO ALL !
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